Written by Sandra Behan
This was a piece I wrote for Arena (The Excuse)
I gripped your head in
a headlock with my right hand, tentatively dropping the food down your
throat. Within seconds, you
started coughing and retching.
Your head jerked backwards and forwards involuntarily in my arm. Your face was distorted as you
struggled to breathe.
Instinctively,
I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the suction tube. As I walked towards you, you dug your legs into me. Pushing as hard as you could, you
forced me away. Your eyes bore
into mine, pleading with me. I recognised
that glare and turned away.
I
watched you as your blonde hair fell wildly around your face. Your weary body shook frantically. Your eyes rolled in your head and your
lips turned purple. I turned and
walked away, fighting the urge to help you.
The
kettle whistled urgently as it came to the boil in the next room blocking out
the noise of your gagging. In a
trance, I took your mug from the shelf in the kitchen and levelled the coffee
on to the spoon, adding two sugars and a straw, just the way you liked it.
Suddenly
the house fell into silence. I
waited a few moments before walking back slowly into the room with your coffee
in my hand. My heart beat louder with
each step. Terrified I bent over
you, my hand shook as I placed my fingers on your neck. Nothing.
Your
foot dangled precariously over the footrest. The Ugg boot that I had struggled to put on you that morning
lay on the ground. Lovingly, I
laid your head back on the headrest and closed your still blue eyes. You looked so calm and peaceful. Your body felt warm to the touch. I took you in my arms and rocked you
gently back and forth. Brushing your
hair back from your face, I placed a kiss on your lips.
Walking
into your bedroom I found your beloved quilt, the one Mum had spent many loving
hours making for you. She had
woven all the different patterns from your favourite dresses into it. You brought it everywhere with you
since she died.
I
picked up the phone and dialled 999.
Through my sobs, I explained what had happened. I hung up the phone and
waited. The silence was broken by
the wailing of sirens in the distance. I looked out the window. Through the trees I saw the flashing blue lights coming
towards the house. The ambulance
pulled up outside.
I
opened the door and the medics rushed past me. I pointed at the sitting room
unable to talk. From the hallway, I heard them say "stand clear" for the third time.
My
body shook uncontrollably as the awful reality hit me. I would never see your beautiful face
again When
they came out. They looked at me and shook their heads.
As
I sobbed they wrapped a blanket around me and placed a cup of strong sweet tea
in my hands. I watched
them lift your twisted body on to the stretcher. They laid you on your back, only this time you did not
scream in pain. At
long last you were at peace.
“Sleep, little sister, sleep,” I
whispered.
Words
541
